games

Just don't ask why the hell I'm playing this…

On Wednesday during the week of finals, someone on Twitter was playing this game called CLANNAD spelunker, which is essentially a Clannad themed version of the original Spelunker on the Atari. If it has Clannad characters, it must not be that bad… you will be mistaken when I show how hard this game really is.

Warning: There is a lot of swearing when I made the post.

It is pretty odd to have a game such as spelunker and slap Clannad characters in it… Well, yes… it’s so out of place… Now to the gameplay:

Character Selection Screen

Although I can’t read Japanese, it doesn’t really matter since its pretty obvious. In Clannad Spelunker, you can play as Nagisa, Kotomi, Tomoyo and Yukine. I’n guessing that each character has different abilities… I don’t know… but whatever.

The Gameplay

The goal of this game is to explore caves, collect treasures and defeat enemies… Sound easy, right? You will find out sooner…

What? I just died from that jump? WHAT????!!!!!

That is fucking bullshit! I died from that fall? Yep, I did and it wasn’t that high… Note that when you lose a life, you go back to a place in the level… Note that when you hit a checkpoint, you will get sent back there when you lose a life

The game fools you in thinking the game is easy. Compared to the original spelunker which is one hit and game over, Clannad Spelunker gives you 4 tries and you can replenish them by collecting the hearts. Not only that, its pretty hard to get on the damn ropes that you will end up falling when I realized that I need to use the double jump. You are going to use the double jump a lot to get to these places. However, the controls feels like shit that you will end up doing a single jump and lose a life because of the fall. That is fucking horseshit!

In Super Mario Bros, you can jump further without dying even if you fall from a high platform, but in Clannad Spelunker you die from a high jump. The developers made the game feel so hard that nobody can beat it in one sitting or without saving. Believe me, you are going to die a lot in this game. And yeah, if you lose all your lives, there are NO continues…

Forgot to mention, there is a save function, but I have no idea how to use it.

Seriously, this enemy looks stock…

It seems that the makers of Clannad Spelunker are not creative. We get stock characters like ghosts, bats, blobs and witches. Can’t the developers be a bit more creative? They should have added dangos or starfish… but whatever… Not only that, they have insane amount of hit points. It takes 6 hits just to defeat that ghost. Not only that, if you don’t hit them fast enough, they get you and you die… and you know thats bullshit!

Fuck! That is not fair! I just respawned there and I died just like that… Thats bullshit!

An enemy right near the checkpoint. When you respawn, you get hit again and lose a life. That is just fucked up.

What is a wedding head dress doing in a cave? Also, it looks cropped out of somewhere.

After dying so many times in getting to that treasure chest, I finally get to it and what I found? A head dress? What the hell is a wedding head dress doing in a treasure chest? I would have thought there would be something like gold, but no. I think they had done this since it’s Clannad themed. This wedding head dress from what I recalled is from Kouko Ibuki from Fuuko’s Arc. I grabbed the key and bullshit…

Fuuuuuuck! I fell and now its game over… I was so close, but now I have to do that over again? F that!

I died… I gave up afterwards since I couldn’t even beat the first level!

What is this game intended for? Certainly not Clannad fans or fan of Key…. It disappoints everyone just because the game is too fucking difficult! Even with the four lives compared to the original, it’s still too fucking hard. It even compare to the difficulty to Transformers: Convoy no Nazo, which is known to be the most difficult Transformers game out there. Clannad Spelunker is on the same level difficulty as the latter. Clannad Spelunker just redefines the definition of Nintendo Hard, a game that is very difficult and gives no mercy.

What would be my suggestion? Stay the hell away from this game, unless you like dying every time you fall or hit an enemy… This game is basically trial and error. Every time you play, you will get better until you get stuck again… and believe me… you will die a lot and I mean it!

Overall Picture

Pros: It’s a Clannad themed Spelunker game!

Cons: Intense difficulty, poor controls, stock enemies, unfair respawning, no continues (without saving).

Verdict

6.2/10, D-, Below Average