As Mitt Romney, the former governor of Massachusetts trails in the polls against President Barack Obama days before the election, he tries to connect with the middle class, which he is losing support. Therefore, we got three questions from a financially struggling college student named Yuuta Segawa 1 who is currently taking care of three young girls. He wants us to publish the answers on my blog. At the same time, I have asked Romney if he wants to answer them. He accepted the offer, so we are now revealing the answers to them.
Note: This is a satire piece and it’s not meant to offend anyone’s political positions.
Yuuta: What will you if elected to help college students like me? I’m struggling to make ends meets as the part time job at a daifuku factory barely covers the food, rent and Hina’s daycare costs.
Romney: That is a good question as every college student in the country struggles from high tuition, gas and food prices. However, we shouldn’t be giving out loans to students since the government has a big deficit. If a student wants to go to college and wants to raise three girls at the same time, you should either borrow from your relatives as they can give you a lower interest rate or get a loan from the private sector. It’s not government’s responsibility for a college student to take in three girls when the relatives can take care of them. I just don’t care about the 47 percent who thinks they are entitled to food, health care, housing, student loans and you name it. Besides, you should be raising them, not have the girls raise you. That is a sign of a clumsy father.
As for jobs, I will create more part-time jobs for students. I will lower taxes on small businesses so they can start hiring college students who want part time jobs. However, Obama haven’t created jobs as the unemployment rates are over 8 percent. He hasn’t done enough to create jobs. In fact, number of jobs created went down a year ago and it got even lower for this year. If you elect me as president, I will change that.
Lastly, our growing deficit is becoming a big problem because government keeps spending what we don’t have and borrow from China. At the same time, we can’t raise taxes on job creators. Therefore, we have to cut programs we don’t need. I like Luna Luna 7, but we can’t keep on borrowing to keep children cartoons on the air.
Yuuta: Which girl is your favorite (Hina, Miu and Sora)?
Romney: Since I have no daughters, you are lucky as I only raised sons. I think all of your daughters are cute, but haven’t you thought about their future as many people keep complaining that there aren’t enough women in high-ranking positions when I became governor. I asked, “Why there are not enough women?” There are, but they are in these Binders. From these binders full of women, we were able to hire more women who are qualified for higher positions. From that, I ensure that all your daughters will be able to get high-paying positions just like men.
Yuuta: What will you do to stop Shuntarou Sako from doing perverted things to my daughters?
Romney: I say this again. It’s not government’s responsibility to proactively protect your children from Otakus. If they happen to run into Shuntarou, it’s their obligation to run away with him or you protecting them. Otherwise, we cannot provide any abortions under no circumstance besides the life of a woman since I’m pro-life and believe that all life is precious.
That does it and I hope everyone enjoyed the answers Mitt Romney provided us and make sure to vote on November 6th if you live in America. As for me, it’s quite obvious whom I will vote for (and it’s not Romney).
In addition, Little Busters Episode 5 will be covered on Sunday if the power goes back on or Monday.
Update: After regretting the answers he made to these questions on being out of touch with college students, Romney finally concedes with Obama taking a second term. I guess he shouldn’t have been so harsh on Yuuta.
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- I thought Papa Kiki was somewhat fitting for Romney since he is a Mormon ↩